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in the past

relationships — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 07:20:26 +0200

I remember when my last relationship was starting to be on the rocks, when he started losing interest in sex, we stopped being affectionate with one another all together. Not that he was ever much for displaying his feelings to begin with. Which caused *me* to lose interest in being sexual with him when he made advances.

By the same token, S and I (and many other men & women I have had healthy, productive relationships with) can't be in a room together without touching in some manner, even just for a minute. It turns your whole day into foreplay.

Oh!! And here is another idea, do you think she would be willing to go to a strip club with you? Its amazing the kind of attention a woman in a strip club gets- from the dancers and the patrons. Maybe feeling *that* desirable might help her?

agreement

relationships — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 05:17:16 +0200

I'll add an aggreement to part B. Even though on the
outside she may say ok, have a female as a close
friend...I know that for me I always end up
questioning myself as to what it is that this female
is giving him (friendship wise) that I can't give him.
If it's an acquaintence he's had for a long time
before me, I can understand. Or someone that maybe
enjoys an activity with him that I don't. But other
than that, when say my boyfriend makes this new female
friend that he'd rather spend time with doing average
stuff (like dinner, movie, whatever have you) I end up
wondering why I wasn't first choice in something like
that.

totally know...

relationships — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 09:39:09 +0200

FWIW, S. and I are having the *same exact* issue. As he reads through my
books and magazines, watches my movies and talks to my friends though he is
beginning to warm up to the idea and light weight experiment. I can
certainly sympathize with the frustration of Vanilla-only sex life right now
though. Especially since we had the exclusivity discussion recently- which
neatly removed my Playmate from *my* sex life. Interesting thing about
that...S. is the first man (or woman) in *years* that makes me WANT
monogamy. I willingly had The Talk with my Playmate of my own accord a few
days before S. brought up monogamy.

At least his saving grace is he's totally a natural dom and takes direction
well. Training someone to properly Top me from the Bottom is draining
though. ;-)

sounds familar

relationships — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 02:54:28 +0200

Boy, does THIS sound familiar! I had really been courted by my ex-husband
through
the mail, by letter, because he went away to school. I had met him towards
the end of
the summer and the first few flush weeks are far too lust-ridden to be the
basis of a life-long
commitment.

He was a great romantic letter writer, though, and we burned up the post
office air mail.
We even got engaged through the mail! Unfortunately, we got married in
person....

He had a history of abuse as a child, covered with scars his mother had
inflicted (she was in
and out of mental hospitals). I, on the otherhand, could not have had a
more loving, caring
set of parents. So, what I was doing - and the pattern struck for the
balance of my future
relationships - was marrying someone because I felt sorry for him. And
right before the
wedding there were a couple of instances where he was screaming and
physically abusive -
slapped me. But, dummy me, I accepted his excuses and apologies - another
precedent-setting
behavioral pattern on my part.

Anyway, after we were married the abuse continued and worsened. The only
good thing I can say
about the marriage is that I got out quickly, although two years seemed an
eternity under the circumstances,
and there had been no children born to the marriage. Thank God.

My daughter will not be as naive as was I, and I'm not sorry she's more
aware and cautious, but I am sorry
knowing the treatment at the hands of her father which taught her not to be
accepting and trusting of others.

Attraction gone??.,..

relationships — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 00:54:31 +0200

It has nothing to do with being married or single. We've been having problems longer than we've been married. We've just always assumed that things would get better. I love him way too much to give up marrying him because of sex and he feels the same way. However, I'm starting to see the signs of frustration on him more than he wants to admit. While he is still so very patient with me, I can still tell that he's disappointed that we don't have sex more often. I honestly don't blame him. I want to feel desire for him, I really do. We were friends for about a year before we started dating. When we got together, my mother was very sick and I clung to him when she passed away. He was there for me like no one else. Now, I wonder if that was the attraction.

I had several boyfriends before we got married, but I wasn't the type to sleep around. I'd had sexual relationships before, just no "flings" or one-night stands, that sort of thing. I am 24. My husband is 22. Since we lived together for so long before getting married, there really wasn't much change after the wedding. We already had a joint checking account, so there weren't new things like that to freak us out. To be honest, I wasn't expecting much to change, nor did I want it to. He is my best friend and a companion to me in every way. I just don't get aroused when he touches me.

Need major work.

relationships — Wed, 21 May 2008 01:14:16 +0200

I can totally relate to your feelings. I could not be happy living in those conditions no matter who I was living with!

How about putting together a schedule for the renovations with strict deadlines and a financial plan for getting it all done. You have to really express how important this is so he knows he can't just say okay,okay and then blow it off for another five years or so. You have to let him know this is making you think about leaving and that you don't want to leave so you need his help to correct this situation.

Yeah, it sounds like your place needs major work, and when a place is already in sad shape it's pretty easy to be 'a pig' because you figure the rest of the house looks like hell, one more thing not done isn't gonna matter much.

The other option you have is to just GET ANOTHER PLACE. Unless you really cannot afford it, it sounds like almost anything would be better; Maybe in an apartment or condo or something that you can get a fresh start in, it would be easier to say, hey, pick your socks up, or help me dust or whatever. You wouldn't be dealing with huge major things that need to be dealt with to clean up and are easy to put off because they seem so daunting.

Just because his parents own the house doesn't mean you HAVE to stay there - it sounds like another case of taking the path of least resistance. If you can afford to get a halfway decent apartment to live in, then you could work in whatever time you have to fix up the house without having to actually live there at the same time, getting in your own way. And still go home to a nice clean residency at the end of the day.

Commitment from husband

relationships — Wed, 14 May 2008 18:32:17 +0200

Does anyone have advice for those of us who are in relationships
where the other partner won't make a commitment?

I have been dating a wonderful man for seven years who thinks
marriage is a dirty word.

I feel hurt that it is so negative to him, and confused since we get
along extremely well.

I can't imagine my life without him, but I'm tired of putting his
needs first.